ABOUT ME

Being a game developer with a spicy side wasn't in my list of top five choices of pursuits in life...or even my top twenty. However...that's actually why it's perfect.

I was reading by the time I was three and I needed constant stimulus or new projects as a child. I've had several great creative loves throughout the years, from attempts to make my own CDs of my own music as a tween, to starting an Etsy shop (that didn't take off at all) as a young adult and switching from jewelry making to designing my own coloring pages and stickers. I thought I would write my own book when I was twelve and get published (ah my dreams knew no bounds as a child, I thought I was her). I figure skated competitively for a couple of my teen years, and realized I loved photographing patterns on the ice. Every motion of choreography on the ice also felt invigorating... it incorporated my years of dance into something that felt meaningful and expressive. I felt connected with the music that way too. So much of my creativity comes from conveying a complex emotion, scene, or story. Music had mental pictures, pictures had imaginary music, and stories I wrote had background music being written in my head simultaneously. It was hard to do one without the other. I could understand a few things in the chaos of creativity...I loved "too" many hobbies, I had ambition, and I had no idea where to focus.

There are so many obstacles and sob stories between then and now that I do not feel are necessary to write, but they are deeply important in the sense that every piece of those events meticulously created situations that eventually drove me to seek out community and connections with others like me. That's how I originally hit the button to go live for the first time, on a borrowed phone with no supplies, and upload speeds that might be too slow for your Grandma.

From later attempting to build my own computer to my growing pile of tripods and monitor arms, it became a game with myself. The objective...some creative pursuit. And I had to learn or acquire the technology to advance. I put effort in constantly. But I still lacked direction and purpose behind it. Creativity helped me survive horrifying traumas and navigate very hard periods of my life and work through emotions. That is totally okay and enough! Creativity does not have to be any one thing. I just struggled with overflowing ambition to make something meaningful that could be shared with the world.

Part way through, while in the trenches of healing, learning to adapt with my recent and late ADHD diagnosis (what, are you not surprised?) and rebuilding my life in my late mid-twenties... I reconstructed a lot of my hobbies which had been cast aside around work, health, physical limitations due to an arm injury, and other major life changes. I had to relearn who I was and what I could and couldn't do. This led to a lot of self discovery, some of which are appropriate to mention here and some which are...not so appropriate (wink).

A couple months after the addition of my spicier lives as an adult model, one well timed, well executed joke...and it was as if I clicked a metaphorical viewfinder and suddenly hit the right picture. See more about that story here.

I'm still learning of course, but I am absolutely thrilled I am using my different creative pursuits as an indie game developer. I can convey an entire work seamlessly with music, art, photography, and story. It's a direction I am passionate about without feeling like I left any part of myself behind to pursue it.